White Silk
by mentalmichael
Summary: John deals with guilt after Elizabeth is hurt.
1. Chapter 1

Elizabeth lay on the bed, asleep. Her face was bruised, her hair was a mess, one arm was in a sling.

John sat in a chair next to her, and listened to Dr Becket.

"The arm was a clean break, and the bruising on her face will go down within a few days. Her back isn't that simple though. The shot hit her spinal column, and caused nerve damage." John kept staring at Elizabeth, one hand on her arm, the other constantly running through his hair.

"Major, are you listening to me? Major?"

He finally turned away from Elizabeth

"Yeah Carson, I heard you. How bad was the damage?"

He knew it was bad, but when he saw that even Carson had to sit down, he knew this wasn't just going to be bad. This was going to kill him

"We managed to remove the bullet but the damage was already done. The spinal nerves are extremely delicate, and in tearing just a few of them it may have interrupted the command pathways that"

"Just, just bottom line it for me. Please."

Carson sighed, and rubbed his face

"She may never walk again Major. Its possible the nerves will heal, and we can use ancient technology to encourage them, but right now, there's a 80 chance that she will be paralysed from the waist down for the rest of her life" John jerked, then almost seemed to shrink in front of Carson's eyes. His hands started to shake, and he tried to conceal it by clenching them together.

"Paralysed? But, with all this technology, with all your knowledge"

Carson shook his head

"I'm sorry Major, but there are some things we just can't do, not yet anyway. She's currently sedated, and will be out for at least 24 hours. I suggest you go and get some rest son, there's nothing you can do now."

John stood, a bitter smile twisting on his face

"Yeah, nothing I can do, just like back on the planet."

"Major, I'm sure you did everything humanly possible"

"Yeah? Well obviously it wasn't enough, was it!" John snapped back, his face red. Carson stood, and grabbed his arm

"Alright, now you calm down right now or I'll have you sedated! From what I've heard her injuries happened when you weren't near her, and let's face it Major, its not like you can stop bullets!"

John shook his head.

"Carson, if I had been there, I would have stopped the bullet. I would've taken it myself if I had to. It's my fault she got injured. Its my fault she was in that situation in the first place."

"Maybe so Major, but no one on Atlantis is going to think you did anything wrong."

John took one last look at Elizabeth, his hand going out almost automatically to smooth down her hair. He turned, and walked out of the infirmary.

"Just, let me know when she wakes up, ok?"

"Aye, I'll do that." Carson said to John's back as he walked out.

John walked slowly through the halls of Atlantis, ignoring everyone, barely aware of where he was going. He finally arrived at his quarters, and stripped off his gear, stained with mud, and blood. Her blood. He fell onto his bed, and waited for sleep. Maybe he would wake up tomorrow and this would all be a dream.

Maybe.

To be continued (if I get lots of nice reviews)...


	2. Chapter 2

_John runs through woods. It's dark, and he's alone. Have they got away? Where's his team? Oh God, where's Elizabeth? _

_A scream tears the air, a gunshot rings out, close, no more than 100 metres away. He skids to a halt, and moves towards the sound. He comes to the edge of a clearing, where three men stand laughing. Laughing over a body. _

"Elizabeth!" John jerked up in bed. Sweat was pouring down his face, his sheets were tangled around him.

"Jesus." He fell back in bed, feeling like he had just run a marathon. He looked at his clock. 3 a.m. The last time it had been 1a.m. The time before, only midnight. He wasn't going to get any sleep. He didn't want to sleep. He got up, and walked into the bathroom. Looking into the mirror, he saw a man still covered in dirt. His hair was tangled, more so than even he liked. Most of all, he saw a man afraid to look into his own eyes. He pushed away from the sink, and staggered into the shower. The hot water washed away the dirt, but did nothing to make him feel better. He felt like every muscle in his body was cramping, like he was inside a vice.

3.30. He turned off the shower, and got dressed. Clean clothes now, to replace the ones covered in her blood. He tried to sit and take his mind of her, but everything reminded him of her. He tried to read War and Peace, but stopped when he remembered how she had stood by his bed and picked it up, a small smile on her lips. How she stood. How she walked, and ran. How she was now trapped in a bed, sedated. How when she woke up she would be told she might never walk again. He knew she would seem to take the news well, how she would seem to cope with it. He also knew that she wouldn't seem to blame him. What did that matter? He knew what she would really think. What everyone would think. He was less than 100 metres away, and she had still, she had still

"Stop this shit John, just do something, anything." He left his quarters, and started to walk. After a while, he started to jog, then run, then sprint, until his legs were burning and his head was spinning. He leaned on a wall, then slowly slid down it until he was sitting. He sat there, staring at nothing. Images kept flashing through his mind, images of Elizabeth. The first time he saw her in that outpost in Antarctica. The first time she gave him the eyebrow, just after he had survived that damned insect sucking on his neck. The look in her eyes when he gave her the pot on her birthday, a simple thing that she had loved. The look of fear in her eyes as he shot past her to hit Kolya. The feel of her hand in his as he pulled her to the control room. As she ran to the control room.

He stood, and looked at his watch

"0900? God, I'm late." He sprinted to the nearest transporter, hurried into his room, changed his clothes again and headed towards the control room. By the time he walked in there was no sign he had been awake for 6 hours, and no sign that he felt any worse than everyone else was feeling. His face was tight, but controlled. There was almost no trace left of the haggard man he had seen in the mirror. Almost.

"Major." Peter Grodin, Atlantis' control officer stood waiting for him.

"Morning Peter. I need to talk to the city." Grodin nodded.

"Of course, many have already heard but an official announcement from you would certainly help get rid of the rumours that are flying around. How bad is it?"

John's face cracked slightly, and he leaned in, speaking quietly so that only Grodin would hear him.

"Spinal damage. Carson isn't sure how bad it is, we'll find out later today."

"Spinal damage? But that would mean"

"We don't know what it means yet. When she wakes up…"

"Of course. If we don't know anything for sure I would recommend that you don't mention this, at least not all the details."

John nodded, and Grodin leaned over and pushed a crystal. John took a breath

"Everybody, this is Major Sheppard. I'm sure by now most of you have heard that Dr Weir is in the infirmary. Having seen her last night I can tell you that she is unconscious but stable. Her wounds were…severe, but not life-threatening. She will however be out of action for a while, so I am assuming the role as head of the expedition until she is able to get back to work. It's business as usual people. Get to it." He nodded to Grodin, who deactivated the com system.

"Well Major if you are in command there's a stack of documents in Dr Weir's office that need looking over, and you have a 10 O'clock briefing with Dr Kavanagh and his team on the Ancient waste distribution system."

"Please…tell me you are kidding?"

"Sorry, it's really quite important actually."

John shook his head in surrender

"Fine. I'll be in Dr Weir's office."

John walked out of the control room into her office. Everything around him was hers. If a meeting with Kavanagh didn't kill him then staring at the photos of her family would. He sat down in her chair, and started to read. Maybe if he just focused on the work he could stop thinking about her.

Maybe


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"Major Sheppard to the infirmary. Now." John's head snapped up from the latest report, something about the power distribution system Rodney had came up with.

"Is she awake?" his voice shook slightly

"Not yet, but we're getting rapid eye movement. I'd say she'll be awake in a few minutes."

"Alright Carson, I'm on my way." He stood, and walked to the transporter. His stomach was clenching, he felt ill.

He arrived at the infirmary. He paused, staring at the door. He started to check himself over, then stopped. Why the hell would she care if he looked tired? He walked in. Carson and a nurse were standing over Elizabeth. She looked so calm, so peaceful. The bruises on her face were already starting to fade, and someone had combed out her hair. Carson turned

"She's starting to wake up. Major, are you sure you want to be here for this?"

"I have to be here." Carson nodded

"Aye, alright."

"Doctor!" The nurse called out to them.

Elizabeth started to move slowly, her eyes opening. Carson leaned over her.

"Elizabeth? Can you hear me?"

She nodded, slowly, carefully

"Yes Carson I can hear you. What happened?"

"You ran into some trouble off world. You have bruising on your face, but that's going down. Your arm is broken, but that will be fine as well."

John just stood there, watching. He wanted to run, wanted to escape what was coming. Carson looked at him briefly, then turned back.

"Elizabeth, there's something I need you to do." He put one hand on her foot. "Can you feel that?" Her face showed her confusion.

"Feel what? I don't understand." John gasped, and sank into a chair. Carson winced, then became professional again.

"Elizabeth, I need you to try and move your legs. Just focus on that."

He stared at her, as her face showed first confusion. Then, a terrifying look of fear slowly formed.

"I, I can't feel my legs. I can't move them. Carson, what the hell happened!" Her eyes were wide, staring. Accusing.

"Elizabeth, I am so sorry to tell you this, but you were shot in the lower back. The bullet hit your spine and caused nerve damage. It seems that you are now…" His voice trailed off

"That I am now what Carson?" She was scared, more scared than she had been when that bastard Kolya was holding her. He couldn't take it, couldn't watch her wait.

"Doc, tell her. Please." Elizabeth turned to him. She hadn't even realised he was there.

"Tell me what!" Carson nodded slowly.

"Elizabeth, I think that the bullet has severed nerves in your spine that link your legs and your brain. You're paralysed." She gasped in shock and horror, and her hands tightened into fists. John stood up and moved closer to her.

"Carson told me that there are some treatments that he can try. This may not be permanent." She looked up, hope showing in her eyes.

"Carson?" Carson glared at John for a moment, clearly angry that he had said anything.

"Aye, there is a chance. The Ancient technology is extremely sophisticated, and there is a chance that in time the nerves will regrow." Elizabeth stared at them.

"A chance? How good a chance?" Carson grimaced slightly; he clearly had not wanted to get into the details so soon.

"I've got to be honest with you Elizabeth. There is only a twenty percent chance that you will ever walk again." Her eyes closed, her head sank down onto her chest.

"I see. Thank you for being honest with me Carson. I'd, I'd like to have some time alone if you don't mind."

"Of course. I can't tell you how…" Carson trailed off, he looked at John and shrugged helplessly. John suddenly realised that he wasn't the only one feeling guilty. Carson had access to some of the most advanced medical technology ever made by humans or Ancients, and yet he was powerless. As Carson walked off, John saw the same helplessness that he had seen in himself.

Elizabeth just lay there, so quiet it was hard to tell she was awake. Then he saw the tears slowly sliding down her cheeks. He couldn't take it. He moved over to her, and took her hand in his. Her eyes opened, and he could see the pain etched on her face.

"John please, I just, I need to be alone." He shook his head.

"I'm not going anywhere. You can yell at me, order me out of here, but no way in hell am I leaving you alone like this." He blinked, trying to hold back the tears in his eyes.

"John, I'm never going to walk again"

"Don't say that. The doc said there's a chance, there's a lot of technology in this city. We'll find a way Liz" She shook her head a simple gesture of defeat that cut him to the bone.

"Twenty percent? With the Ancient therapies? I guess I'm going to have to get used to sitting. I guess I will have to get used to a lot of things." The tears streaming down her face were now mirrored by his, their hands were both shaking.

"John, I'm scared." He said nothing, just leaned down and slid his arms around her trembling body as she clung to him desperately. He tried to find words, something to comfort her, but his mind was blank. Finally, he said

"We'll find a way to make this work. You'll still be the leader of this expedition. No one is going to think any less of you." She couldn't miss the slight emphasis on his last word, and she pulled away from him. Her head tilted slightly, a familiar gesture.

"John, what is it?" He paused, considering. No. This wasn't the time. This wasn't the time to tell her why she was paralysed. That it was his fault.

"Forget it Liz, you've got enough on your mind. I've taken over as leader temporarily, just until you're able to work again." Her eyes continued to bore into him.

"Really, it's not important." He stood. "I've umm, I've gotta go. Work." He grinned slightly "You'd have to be crazy to want to run this city."

She smiled, a small thing in comparison to how he used to make her smile, but at that moment it meant the world.

"Tell me about it. You'd better get back to it though." He nodded, and started to walk out the door.

"John?" He turned back.

"Thanks."

"For what?"

"For not leaving me." He nodded, turned again, and left the infirmary.

To be continued...

(Ok I know I'm going to get flames for this, but trust me when I say it's necessary. Hope you're enjoying this.)


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Three weeks later, John was sitting in Elizabeth's office reading a report.

"You look bored." He looked up, smiling

"Bored? But the report on the Puddle Jumper's inertial dampeners is so interesting!"

Elizabeth rolled into the room. He knew that Carson had finally agreed to let her go back to work and fortunately there were no stairs between there and the control room. She had finally got the hang of her wheelchair, which he suspected Rodney and Carson had improved slightly. It certainly looked more comfortable than the one he had been stuck in when he broke his leg on M4H 789. He sat back in the chair, stretching.

"So, are you finally ready to take over again so I can go have some fun?" She grinned back at him, a mischievous glint in her eye.

"Oh but if you're finding the reports so interesting I wouldn't mind taking another week off." He rose with a look of horror on his face.

"You wouldn't." She said nothing, but raised one eyebrow, her head tilted slightly to one side. She finally relented after he put on his best hurt expression.

"Well, I guess it has been long enough. Go on, I'll take over." He smiled

"Thanks Liz, have fun. Oh, by the way" he said on his way out "does Mckay know about the chocolate stash in your bottom drawer?"

Half way through the control room he turned back. She was already at her desk checking the drawer. He grinned, and carried on. He had only eaten one kitkat after all. God damn it was good to have Elizabeth back in action. She was almost back to normal, although several times over the last two weeks he had found her staring into space, leaning back in her wheelchair. He winced. He still couldn't quite believe it. She was in a wheelchair, probably would be for the rest of her life. She was dealing with it better than he was, apart from that time in the infirmary John hadn't seen her cry. No one had. Not that he was deliberately asking people, but it was his job to know how she was doing, right?

He wandered into the commissary, grabbed a cup of coffee, and sat down. It felt good to finally be able to go back to just being the head of his team. He didn't know how Elizabeth put up with all the crap that came across her desk every day.

"May I join you major?"

"Hi Teyla, yeah feel free." She sat down opposite him.

"We have not seen you for some time. Is everything alright?" He smiled

"Yeah well keeping this city running is surprisingly hard work. Fortunately Elizabeth is now back in charge, so I'm free."

"That is good to hear. How is Dr Weir?"

"She's…great. I mean, she's in a wheelchair but she seems to be dealing with it well."

Teyla looked at him strangely.

"And how are you dealing with it?"

"Excuse me?"

"I noticed that immediately after the…incident you seemed think you were responsible for her injuries." He sighed

"Yeah. Look I know that it's not my fault, that there was nothing I could've done, but at the same time…" She nodded slowly, understanding

"You still feel responsible."

"Yeah. Every time I see her in that damned chair I feel guilty, like it's my fault. Stupid huh." She smiled sympathetically

"Major, I have often noticed that you tend to feel responsible for people around you. This is an important trait in a leader, but you… you should the blame for things which are not your fault."

"Yeah, Carson said the same thing."

"Did you ever consider that you should talk to Dr Weir?" He shook his head

"The thought of telling her… I couldn't face that." She stood, staring straight at him.

"I have seen you face down the Wraith, the Genii. You have risked your life many times to protect me and everyone here. Yet you are too scared to take action to make you happy. This is the first time I have ever thought this of you, but I am disappointed." She turned and walked away, leaving a shocked John sitting alone.

Was she right? Was he so scared to let go of his guilt? Or was he just scared to have Elizabeth blame him for what happened? He sat there silently, thinking. Almost involuntarily his hand drifted up to his radio, and selected the frequency set aside for him and Elizabeth.

"Elizabeth? You busy?" He could almost hear her roll her eyes.

"Well John I'm trying to get through the pile of reports left on my desk, but I'm finding it hard to concentrate without my kitkat!"

"Yeah, sorry about that. At least I didn't tell Mckay."

"How kind of you. Anyway did you just call to say hi or…"

"Actually, I was wondering if you would like to grab a bite to eat, catch up." Was it possible to hear a smile?

"Sure, I'd love to. Just give me half an hour, and I'll see you in the Commissary."

"Great, see you then."

He was still sitting there half an hour later when she arrived. He didn't even notice she was there at first, he was so wrapped up in his own thoughts.

"John. Hey John, you ok?"

"Yeah I'm fine. Hey, are you actually hungry?"

"No, not really, why?" He stood

"Mind going somewhere else?" She grinned

"If you're willing to push me around, I'll go anywhere."

He wheeled her out of the Commissary, and into a transporter. They reappeared on the far side of the city. He pushed her along silently, until they arrived at a balcony looking back towards the city.

"Wow. It's beautiful. How did you find this place?" He blushed slightly

"I was running one day, stumbled across it. Always wanted to bring you here." She smiled at him, then her expression shifted, becoming slightly concerned.

"John? What's wrong?" He didn't answer. "You dragged me out here, why?" His eyes were closed, his head tilted towards the sun, and he spoke softly, so quietly she had to lean forwards to hear him.

"It's my fault."

"What?"

"You being paralysed." She was shocked, and then she took his hand as he opened his eyes and turned towards her.

"John, it's not your fault. They hit us the moment we stepped through the gate, took me so fast."

"Yeah, I let them take you."

"They had 3 guns pointed at your chest! There was nothing you could've done."

"I could've got free faster, could've come after you."

"John-"

"I was less than 100 metres behind you when I heard the shot. 100 metres. Ten more seconds earlier and you would've been ok."

"Ok, maybe you're right. But ten seconds later I would've been dead. They broke my arm, and shot me as I tried to run away. It doesn't matter that you couldn't stop them from doing that. All that matters is that you saved my life." He squatted down beside her, never letting go of her hand.

"If that's true, then why do I have the same nightmare every night? Why can't I forget that moment when I saw you on the ground?" His face was a terrifying mask of pain and self-loathing.

"You can't forget because you are a good man. I wish this hadn't happened, but you cannot continue to blame yourself. John, you saved my life. Thank you." She leaned forward in her chair, and slid her arms around him. He returned the hug strongly, feeling his tension and guilt draining away. They pulled apart slowly. He smiled slightly

"How is it that no matter how bad I feel you always manage to make things better?"

She smiled back

"It's my job, remember? Now, how about that bite to eat?" He smiled

"Sure. Thanks Liz." She pulled back slightly, although her hand was still in his

"That reminds me. Since when do you call me Liz?" He laughed

"I guess since that night in the infirmary. Do you mind?"

"No, just don't go doing it in public."

"I promise."

"Now why does that not fill me with confidence?" she asked as he moved behind her and started to push the wheelchair back towards the transporter.

Ok hope you all liked that one, thank for all the reviews. Probably only got one chapter to go, although I might make it two as I'm having so much fun writing this.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"Ok, good work on getting that trade agreement resolved. Anything else to add?" Elizabeth looked around the table. John's team all shook their heads, looking exhausted, then John leaned forward.

"Actually, I was kinda hoping we could get a little down time. Those guys refused to leave the table, or even take a break longer than five minutes until the negotiations were finished. That took 14 hours. Personally, I feel shattered, and Mckay looks like he could fall asleep right here." Rodney glared at him.

"Yes well if you had just managed to avoid insulting their main crop then we wouldn't have had to spend 6 extra hours in there trying to calm them down!"

"I wasn't the one who got up when we were in session!"

"I needed to toilet! How was I to know they would find it insulting, but describing that bloody fruit as "sour" was a pretty obvious mistake wouldn't you say?"

"Gentlemen!" Both Rodney and John glared at each other, then settled back down.

"Ok, it's clear you're all tired. Get some rest." The team stood, and left the briefing room. John stopped at the door, and turned back.

"By the way, did Carson say anything at your appointment?"

She shrugged.

"He says that the energy is still there, and that it's doing something. Other than that, no change." John nodded slowly. He remembered how excited they had been two weeks ago when Dr Beckett told them the ancient therapy had somehow generated a small energy field around the damaged nerve cells. The only problem was that none of the medical scanners could penetrate the field, and Elizabeth said that she still didn't feel anything in her legs.

"Hello, Atlantis to John!" He looked up

"Sorry, day dreaming."

"Get some sleep John, that's an order." He gave a little half-smile, but inside he felt an odd feeling, one he didn't feel very often. He was nervous.

"Yes ma'am. Hey, you want to have dinner later?"

"Sure. Commissary?" He shook his head

"Nah, they'll probably want to cook something with that fruit."

"If it tasted so bad then why did you trade for it?"

"You said we needed food, remember?" She sighed, admitting defeat. "Anyway, I have a better idea. See you at 8?" She smiled.

"I'm guessing that if I ask what this idea is you won't tell me." He just looked at her

"Yeah, thought so. Fine, 8 it is. But if this turns into another half-assed attempt to force me to take a holiday I will kill you."

"But it was such a good plan!" He whined, knowing he probably looked like a little kid

"You thought that luring me to the Eastern Pier and then sealing it off counted as a holiday?" He winced

"Ok yes that one didn't go to plan. I promise this is just a meal. Ok?"

She rolled her eyes. "Oh don't look so hurt. I'll see you at 8. Should I dress up?"

He beamed, feeling a wave of relief wash over him.

"Up to you really. I'll see you then then. I mean, I'll see you… never mind"

He walked outside, and nearly walked into Rodney

"Major! I was just, ummm" Rodney's voice trailed off

"Just…eavesdropping?" Rodney attempted a look of outrage, but failed

"Honestly Major how immature do you think I am?" John raised one eyebrow, and walked away, counting under his breath.

"one, two, three, four, five, six sev" Rodney caught up.

"Well Major although I would hate for you to think that I was listening in, I assume you won't be available to test out a new piece of ancient technology we found?"

"No Rodney, as you heard I have some other plans." Rodney smirked

"Yes, it's interesting how often you seem to have 'other plans' at the moment."

They were walking through an empty corridor, so John stopped and turned to Rodney.

"Meaning?"

"Nothing, it's just that you and Elizabeth seem to be spending a lot of time together lately."

"So?"

"I just…umm, think it's good. That the two of you are spending so much time together. It's….good." John continued to stare at him "I should probably get back to work, let you get some rest." Rodney turned and started to walk away, then over his shoulder: "After all, you wouldn't want to be tired for your date!" before breaking into a run.

John just stood there, shocked. It wasn't a date, was it? After all, two people can spend time together without it being a date, right? And if they both enjoyed it, what was the big deal? Ok, they had been spending a lot of time together, but that didn't mean that…. Ah. Shit. They had been spending a lot of time together. A lot of time. And he had enjoyed it, really enjoyed it. And now he had invited her to have dinner with her, in private. And he really had been nervous, hadn't he? He hadn't been that nervous since… He started walking again, back towards his room, but his mind continued to work. He was never that nervous, even when he was asking someone out on a real date. He had always been relaxed around women, but when he was in that office he had been scared she would say no. Of course, she hadn't said no, had she? In fact, she had seemed quite excited.

He walked into his room, and collapsed onto the bed. He had a lot of thinking to do.

At exactly 8 p.m John knocked on Elizabeth's door. He had spent the last few hours arguing with himself about whether it was a date. He had decided to play it safe and was wearing casual slacks, a shirt, and a jacket. The door was opened by Nurse Adams, a pretty young English nurse who was assigned to be Elizabeth's helper that week.

"Major, Dr Weir will be out in just a second."

"Thanks, I'll wait."

He leaned against the wall, hand in his pockets. The door slowly slid open, and Elizabeth wheeled herself out.

"Wow."

Her smile at his reaction could have powered the city.

"You think so?"

"Wow." She was stunning, wearing a slender red dress. Even in that damned chair, she looked amazing.

"Well you did say it was up to me, is this too much?"

"Nono it's, it's, yeah. Shall we?" He snapped out of it a little, and moved behind her. Nurse Adams had somehow appeared at the door.

"Thank you Lily, I'll be fine tonight. See you in the morning."

"Yes ma'am" she nodded, and moved past the two. If John didn't know better he would have sworn he saw a slight smirk on her face. He started to wheel her towards a transporter.

"So where are you taking me?"

"It's a surprise, remember." He sighed a little "It might be a bit much, I mean, I wasn't sure." She lifted one hand behind her head and rested it briefly on his arm.

"John, I'm sure it'll be fine. I could use a break from reality."

They continued on in comfortable silence. That was one thing he loved about Elizabeth. She wasn't one of those people (like Mckay) who always had to talk just so that everyone knew she was there. Hell, he always knew when she was there.

"Oh my god!" Elizabeth gasped as John pushed her out onto the balcony overlooking Atlantis that they had first visited soon after she had left the infirmary.

"Too much?"

"Are you joking? This is beautiful! I always wanted to come back here!" she exclaimed as he drew her up behind a table.

"Well, enjoy. Anyway, for our first course…." He turned away to another table, and then turned back with…

"Turkey sandwiches? Are you serious?" He smiled and shook his head

"These aren't just any turkey sandwiches. These are the last turkey sandwiches in all of Atlantis!"

"Ok, I see your point, are you sure you can spare these?" She asked, grinning slightly smugly at him

"I'll manage." He responded dryly, sitting down opposite her. All things considered, this might be a date.

---------------------------------

Wow that Chapter really ended up in a different place to where I was going. Hope you liked it, and hopefully the next chapter will be up soon, real life got in the way for this one


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"So, how was the date?" Rodney dropped into the chair opposite John in the commissary.

"It wasn't a date." John said, and went back to his breakfast

"Right, so you invite her for a candle-lit meal on a balcony and you say it wasn't a date?" John's head jerked up

"There were no candles! And how the hell did you know where it was?"

"What, you think I don't listen to the gossip?"

"What. Gossip.?" Rodney swallowed nervously.

"Just some stuff about where you went, how you were dressed, what you ate."

"What we ate?"

"Yeah, how did you keep a turkey hidden all this time?" John stood

"Rodney, it was a turkey sandwich, not a whole turkey."

"Oh. Actually that does make more sense. So you going on another date?" he called out to John's rapidly retreating back.

"It wasn't a date!" John threw back as he left the room. Honestly, how the hell did the whole city know that he had had dinner with Elizabeth? He just hoped that no one would find out that they were doing it again next week…. He shook off these thoughts as he entered the gym.

"Major Sheppard, you are late again." Teyla, as usual, was already there and waiting.

"Yeah, sorry, Rodney wouldn't stop bugging me." She looked at him curiously

"Bugging you? I was not aware he had insects." He laughed

"No, bugging me. Annoying me, going on and on about something."

"I see….and what was he 'bugging' you about?" The two moved into their normal positions, balanced, waiting for the first move.

"Oh, nothing."

"Really?" She launched into an attack, sticks whirling. He was practicing, was getting better. This time it took a whole twenty seconds before she knocked him down.

"Oh, it's just that Rodney keeps saying that I'm dating Elizabeth, that I'm in love with her or something." He explained as he rose to his feet.

"I see, you do not want this becoming common knowledge." She stated sympathetically.

"What? No, it's that he's wrong."

"Ah" She said

"Ah?"

"Ah." She repeated.

"Oh go on then, say it."

"No, if you say there is nothing happening between you and Dr Weir then I believe you. But surely you can see why Dr Mckay might think that something was happening?" Seeing his bemused expression, she continued. "You frequently eat alone together, you bring her drinks when she is working. I have heard several people speak of seeing the two of you alone late at night, walking through the corridors."

"Walking. Yeah." He said, unable to keep the bitterness out of his voice

"Is that the problem? That she is confined to the wheelchair? Do you still feel guilty?"

"No, we talked about that…. And it's not the wheelchair, it's, it just wouldn't work."

She smiled slightly

"But you no longer deny that you have feelings for her?"

He froze, completely shocked.

"I… I… I guess not." When the hell did that happen?

Seeing his confusion, she walked over to him.

"I think that that is enough for today. We can continue some other time. Clearly you have things to think about."

"Yeah, I think you're right."

Later that night, John was lying in bed, unable to sleep. Images kept running through his mind, Elizabeth smiling at him as they ate, her concentration as she read yet another report. He was saved from this by his radio

"Yeah?"

"John, it's me." His chest tightened at the sound of her voice, excited, nervous

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, but I need to talk to you. Now"

"Sure, I'll come to your room."

"No, meet me on the balcony."

"Ok, give me a few minutes. You sure you're ok?"

"Yes, I'm sure, I'll see you soon."

He threw on a T-Shirt and a pair of jeans, and damn near sprinted to the balcony where they had had their dinner. Unsurprisingly, she wasn't there yet. He leant on the balcony rail, trying to catch his breath, unable to shake the clenched feeling of his stomach.

"John?" Her quiet voice broke the silence. He turned.

"Oh my God."

To be Continued...

Ok I know that was mean but I really liked doing it! Merry Christmas everyone, and thanks for the reviews.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

She stood there, wearing a white silk robe, looking more beautiful than he could ever have imagined. She stood there. Slowly he walked towards her, sure that he would wake up, that it would all have been a dream. They stood so close together, as his hand rose slowly, almost involuntarily sliding over one cheek. She was warm, and he could feel a tear sliding down her face. This was real, this wasn't another dream. She could stand.

"How?"

She shook her head.

"I don't know. I just woke up and I could feel my legs. The energy field must have worked, somehow."

"You can walk?"

She nodded, half-crying with relief

"I can walk, John." His chest tightened, his heart beating so quickly. One hand still rested on her cheek, as she raised her hand, mirroring him. It was only then that he realised that he was crying as well. Slowly, ready for her to pull away, he clumsily slid his hand around to the back of her head, moving his hand through her soft curls, and then almost closed his eyes as she did the same, lightly, delicately.

"Elizabeth.." His voice trailed off as she pulled his head down to hers, until their lips met. If he had any doubts about this being real, they vanished in that moment.

He didn't know how long they had stood there when she finally pulled away from him.

"What?" He said, scared he had pushed her too far. She smiled reassuringly.

"Well, I don't know about you John, but I'm really cold." Now that he thought about it, so was he.

"Yeah, little chilly I guess. How about we go inside?" She grinned back.

"My room's closer. Race you?"

"You up to that?"

In response, she moved closer to him, and placed one hand on his chest, moving in closer. He could feel his heart start to beat faster, and from the look on her face, so could she.

"Try me." She suddenly pushed hard, leaving him sprawling on the ground as she vanished round a corner. As shocked as he was, he couldn't help laughing as he got to his feet and chased after her.

He finally caught her at the entrance to her quarters, swinging her into his arms and spinning round to land on her bed, Elizabeth lying on top of him, face to face. She smiled smugly.

"I win."

"What? You cheated and I still caught you."

"Yeah" A kiss "But I was inside my quarters by then." Another kiss. He didn't feel like arguing. As they continued to kiss, he ran his hand down her back, and down her legs. She stiffened slightly.

"What's wrong." She shook her head.

"Absolutely nothing" and she leaned in, kissing him passionately, her hand sliding up the inside of his shirt. She gasped slightly as he mirrored her action, sliding the gown open. Soon, most of their clothes were on the floor, but she somehow still wore the silk gown, which spread out over them both as she rocked on top of him. He held on for as long as possible, waiting until her eyes closed and her back arched, then followed her into oblivion.

He woke suddenly, jerking upright slightly until he realised that Elizabeth was lying next to him, one leg draped across him, the gown still partially covering them both. He lay there, staring at her, until she began to stir.

"Morning." She smiled back.

"Hey John. God, I was so sure I would wake up and it would all have been a dream."

He just couldn't help himself.

"You often dream of me?" She blushed slightly, dropping her gaze away from his eyes.

"Sometimes. We should probably get up, I have to see Carson, and we both have work to do." She started to stand, then stopped as John grabbed her arm.

"Ok, I know we need to work, but I'm not going to let this be a one-time deal. I, I never even realised how much you meant to me until recently. I'm not letting you go." She sat next to him on the bed, one hand in his, the other coming up to stroke his face.

"I don't want this to be a one-off. But I can't stay here with you forever, tempting as that sounds. Now c'mon, don't you want to see Carson's face?" she said, leaning in for a kiss.

"Oh my god!" Carson exclaimed as Elizabeth walked into the infirmary with John.

"Yep, that was my reaction too." Remarked John dryly.

"When did this happen?" He said as he led her to a seat.

"Late last night."

"Last night? Why the bloody hell didn't you call me then?" he snapped, exasperated

"Sorry Carson, I got a little…. distracted." Behind Carson, John started to cough. Carson looked around, then back, with an amused expression replacing his irritation.

"Well, it's about time. Well, let's have a look at you."

As Elizabeth lay down on the bed, John leaned in.

"I think he may suspect something."

Wow that was a hard chapter to write, many thanks to alyssa for reading it through first. Next chapter coming up soon!


	8. Epilogue

**Epilogue – One year later**

"You've got to admit, they do look good together." John said looking across to where Teyla and Ronon were dancing. Rodney stood next to him, an incredulous expression on his face

"Wait a minute. Are you telling me that those two are… together?"

"Are you kidding? We're lucky they manage to keep themselves under control on missions."

"I thought we weren't talking about work tonight?" Both men turned at the sound of Elizabeth's amused voice.

"Elizabeth. You look very nice." Elizabeth and John both smiled slightly at his awkwardness

"Thank you Rodney. I hate to distract you from Ronon and Teyla, but Katie was looking for you." John never ceased to be amused by the way that Rodney visibly inflated at the mention of his girlfriend.

"Really? Well, I shouldn't keep her waiting then."

John moved next to Elizabeth and slipped his arm around her waist, kissing her lightly on the temple.

"Hey." She sighed and leaned into him.

"By the way, I agree with Rodney. You do look very nice."

She gave him the eyebrow.

"Sorry. But I never have told you how good you look in white silk." She grinned

"Is that a fact Colonel Sheppard?"

"As a matter of fact it is Doctor Sheppard. Now come on, we have a wedding cake to cut."

The End!

Many thanks to everyone who read it, and many many thanks to everyone who reviewed it and bolstered my fragile ego. This was a lot of fun to write, and I can only hope that it was as much fun to read.


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